The internet makes it extremely easy to engage in all types of sexual activity – from surfing porn to meeting anonymously in chatrooms for sexual banter, sharing graphic images via adult dating sites and engaging in mutual masturbation with strangers via webcams.
These days, it’s possible to satisfy almost any type of sexual desire online, from the tame and fairly innocuous, to the more unusual – such as the Japanese-inspired tamakeri, or becoming aroused from watching a woman kick a man in the testicles.
What is cybersex?
Sitting at your computer and engaging in sexual activity with one or more people via the internet until the desired climax is achieved – that is, being sufficiently stimulated by the sexual activity to masturbate yourself to an orgasm. And usually, the people you’re interacting with climax too.
Technology has made it possible to interact on various levels, depending on the level of anonymity you choose to maintain.
You can express your sexual encounters or fantasies in writing, send graphic images of yourself or use a webcam to allow others to view you, or use a microphone to capture your sounds.
Why do people enjoy cybersex?
You can be as anonymous as you choose to be and you can live out any of your fantasies, interacting with real people.
The anonymity can be enormously liberating – you can share your darkest desires and fantasies without fear of ridicule or rejection.
You can change your gender or flirt with different sexual orientations. You can initiate sexual acts publicly, like in a group chatroom, which indulges the elements of exhibitionism and group sex.
And when it comes to what sexual acts to live out, your imagination is the limit.
The anonymity often encourages people to be more expressive and adventurous, to be willing to try new things and in the process, improve their techniques. Shy people often lose their inhibitions and some develop a level of intimacy not normally shown. Sexual conversation via the internet can be less guarded, more informative and fun.
There are also few consequences to cybersex
No STDs or resulting pregnancies, the typical issue of rejection is bypassed, and people can experiment freely without any fear of prohibition.
Cybersex is great for couples who are in long distance relationships, allowing them to be intimate and have fun even though they are apart.
If you’re in a relationship, is cybersex cheating?
This is a big debate, and there are two opposing views: on the one hand, people feel that if you are in a mutually-agreed monogamous relationship, then any kind of sex with another person or people is cheating, including cybersex.
On the other hand, there are those that feel it equates with fantasising, masturbating or indulging in porn and erotica – it arouses you to a climax but there’s been no physical contact (as in, actual touching) with a third party. As such, it’s seen as a ‘safe’ tool for sexual expression and enjoyment.
Like viewing porn, either on DVD or the internet, you’re not in the same room with the people you’re engaging with and you can’t reach out and touch each other. So you are sexually stimulated by others and your partner benefits from your increased libido – in theory, at least.
Questions to ask yourself
What happens if you’re using cybersex to replace sex with your partner, to avoid intimacy with your partner or worse – to hurt them? What if cybersex becomes more exciting than or preferable to sex with your partner?
What happens if you develop such a level of intimacy with your cybersex partner or community that you’re tempted to meet up physically?
And if you’re engaging with a website such as an adult site that allows you to ‘find’ people of similar sexual tastes who live in your area, would this simply be temptation to meet up and take it further?
These are some thoughts to consider. Perhaps another approach is to ask yourself how your partner would feel if he or she witnessed your cybersex interactions. And perhaps the toughest test of all – whether or not you would you be okay if you observed your partner having cybersex with others.
Author info: OhZone Sexperts/All4Women.Co.Za
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